Monday, August 31, 2009 7:32 PM
It seems extremely dumb... Why let such a small matter tick me off, throw my whole mind off course and push me into darkness-with no sense of direction? I just got news of the fact that I did not make it into the council.
It momentarily numbed me... Then anger, hatred and vengeance set in. I started to wonder if I should start to go against my dream... to hate the council and curse the heck out of it...and to hope that everything that they do fails.
Then, the thought of the teachers who i suspect voted me down came to my mind... Hatred and anger once again. The thought of screwing up their lessons so that they would live in misery(even though today IS 'chers day) was very tempting.
Even my other classmates who successfully got into the council seemed like enemies for a moment. It would be much easier to take revenge cos they are friends... And their secrets lie in my brain. One sentence could get them out of the council immediately.
My hope and dream for months vanished with just one email... it wasnt even a letter... just a mere email. What are dreams for, if they are just meant to drive you on for a short period of time and then make you suffer a setback? You lucky people who got into the council may be thinking: Dream are meant to push you to acheive your goals. But what if some idiots just prevent you from achieving your goals??
If i were in my normal, happy state of mind now, I would feel that movin on without lookin back would be the best choice. But now... its as if a boulder landed on you and even if you want to get it off, you just cant.
I dont mean to offend people or threaten anyone, its just that my mind is in a mess and i need to clear it up. So, Marcus, if you ever see this, I'm sorry if this makes you feel bad.
Thursday, August 27, 2009 2:58 AM
okay, the other blog,www.f-r-e-a-k-i-n-e-s-s.bs.com was turned to private and didnt want to become public again so i abandoned it. this is the new blog to replace it. there's no cbox or any nice blogskin yet but i'll get one soon, if i can find one.